My previous post regarding the Highs in this year's Black History Month was long! But that doesn't mean that there weren't Low's. There's always another side to every coin and though 2021 marked a month of great discovery and appreciation, there were a couple of takeaways that disturbed me. It's not all doom and gloom! I wrap up with some Future Hopes that have pulled me through!

The Lows

Articles Revealing Practices Hindering Diversity in Tech

Picture this...I'm at my latest speaking engagement, the Blacks in Cybersecurity Winter Conference. I'm talking through FedRAMP with my fellow co-host, Sahar Moghadam, and something comes across my feed. I was just made aware that there was a Recode article coming out about Amazon largely contributed from a former Diversity Manager. I had to school my features while I was talking on Zoom but it was hella awkward. In fact awkward was an understatement. For the entire month of February, I was either bringing the entire force of AWS from either recruiting to speaking engagements or I was speaking to my role or contribution to diversity in tech. Whether I realized it or not, I became a walking representation of a black woman's path in tech and Amazon. Was I being a hypocrite? Was I a liar? Was I fooling people with my very presence in these forums that everything was going to be copacetic if they decided to go into tech?

Let's just say, it was embarrassing. At least at first.

But as, not one but, two articles came out, the second with a current black woman in tech suing Amazon for sexual harassment and discrimination, I thought about it, discussed this with colleagues, and settled into a hard realization.

Diversity issues in tech should not be surprising.

Though I'm relatively new to tech, I did my research. Tech was struggling just as much with diversity in leadership and malpractices as consulting, my precious field. However tech was attempting to make some real strides with declarative goals: Amazon increasing diverse directors and VPs by 2021, Google's announced Google Startup Program for Black Businesses, and Netflix performing an equity study regarding representation on film. But that didn't stop the issuance or resurgence of exposes coming through in February.

At this juncture, everyone should know about Timnit Gebru, a leader in ethical artificial intelligence and former Google co-lead that was fired...while she was on vacation. Though there is still a debate regarding the merits of her firing, the bottom line is that her absence and the way she was fired is a visible dent in Google's efforts for executive diversity and could be a deterrent for would-be leaders in the space currently in tech or aspiring. Google's situation also lead to this unfortunate yet pretty common conversation with a fellow Amazon employee in January. Let's call her Gullible Gina.

Gullible Gina: "Hey, did you hear about the AI lead at Google."

Me: "Yes, what about it?"

Gullible Gina: "That was messed up, right?"

Me: "If it went down the way they say, then hell yes."

Gullible Gina: "Well I'm definitely happy that I don't work there. At least you don't have to worry about that here."

Me: ... (Literally I put ... In the chat)

Gullible Gina: "What?"

Me: "Isn't that a bit presumptuous?"

Gullible Gina: "What do you mean?"

Me: "I've only been here a short time, but tech is pretty incestuous. Like I know plenty of leaders that came from Microsoft. And I know half a service team that came from Google."

Gullible Gina: "Why does that matter?"

Me: "It matters because it's not like anyone cleansed the racism or prejudice from people before they transfer tech companies. If it's there, just give it a few more months, something might come out about people here too."

How right I was. Conversations like these reveal that it's not about chasing the latest article and name-dropping where it might be worse. There is a presumption of progression and liberalism in tech that tries to ignore prejudice undertones for current employees. There are also flawed hiring practices that might appear raising the benchmark but can cut diversity attempts off at the knees. It's not hard to find a person of color that was rejected from a tech company because they weren't a great "culture fit", in alignment with The Verge's article on Facebook or Washington Post's article on Google's Historically Black College/University (HBCU) Recruiting Strategy.

Look, I'm not here to bash anyone, including my own company. But these situations do need to be examined with precision, honesty, and data. If anyone is casual about this, then there's no surprise that we're not getting the traction that many are expecting. Maybe we should take a page out of Nike's book and formally tie diversity milestones to executive compensation. Either way, declarative statements and goal setting are nice, but are we really making progress?

Others' Expectations of Black Professionals During Black History Month

In Part 1, I talked about me finding out that I was in Black History Month within 3 days. Let's just say that it wasn't because I had full awareness. It was because people kept pinging me and reminding me. And it was not because they wanted to share their appreciation or new nuggets of wisdom that they learned. It was to prompt me to say something, either a post or write an article or speak about my experiences. No harm right?

Except let me break it down for you.

People...of the Caucasian persuasion...were telling me...a black person...that I should be doing more...on...Black...History...Month.

Now if you're still confused, let me put this in perspective. Right now, we're in Women's History Month and March 8th was International Women's Day. I see a plethora of articles and tributes from my Caucasian male counterparts extolling praises of the women in their lives that have contributed to their allyship and feminism. And some of my female counterparts are either basking in the glow and praise of their mentions. Now I obviously don't know if women were prompted by men to say anything but it's hard to see the same male counterparts who are prompting me to say something on Black History Month or speak for all black people, who are taking their own public stances externally on behalf of feminism?

Now I can consider that it might be uncomfortable for a non-black man or woman to say something in February. Will their statement be overscrutinized? Will their be backlash?

There might be, but is it okay for a black person to be "voluntold" to provide mediums ON THEIR OWN MONTH to make a non-black person feel better about their PC place in the world?

Why is the burden of proof on Black People to produce content for Black History Month? Isn't it a conventionally American recognized month with the responsibility for celebrating and uplifting it on everyone?

As a black woman, why does it feel like not only must I take time out of the month to educate, sponsor, and raise awareness to non-black personnel regarding the benefit of Black History Month and provide updates when they take the time out of their own volition to do their own research in other months? Can't Black History Month include my ass sitting back and relaxing from the burdens that this country bestows upon me and celebrate the way I see fit? At this point, you barely have to crack open a book. A healthy Google goes a long way and is self-sufficient!

Dismissal of Educational and Formative Conversations About Privilege

If you know me, you'll know that I'm absolutely obsessed with the British monarchy. Before you ask, no this is not about the Oprah interview and I'm not taking sides in the Team Kate vs. Team Meghan debate. What I appreciated about Princess Diana was her humanity and her ability to relate to others even though she was born into nobility. What always stood out in my mind was not the drama (though I watched many of her breaking interviews and documentaries), nor her grace (I loved her dancing with John Travolta), it was a story Prince William told about her taking him and Harry on visits to downtown London and having them meet homeless people. I'm paraphrasing, but she told them that there was no difference between them and her sons. They were less fortunate but there were circumstances that led to where they were and it is their duty, with the responsibilities they were bestowed as heirs to the throne, to leverage their influence to protect their fellow man. Princess Diana was teaching her sons about the power and opportunities their positions held. She was talking to them about privilege.

I understand why talking about privilege is a tricky conversation. But there are five notions regarding it that I would like to disprove.

1) Privilege doesn't imply an absence of hard work or tenacity.

2) Privilege doesn't mean that it's automatically your fault if your ancestors did some truly heinous things that you now happen to benefit from.

3) Privilege doesn't mean you know all things or that you are infallible.

4) Privilege doesn't mean that if your environment is seemingly homogeneous, it doesn't exist.

5) Privilege doesn't stop when a milestone in history (a.k.a Don't Ask, Don't Tell repeal or election of former president Barack Obama) has been achieved.

Above all, privilege, by itself, is not harmful. Not acknowledging or understanding the privilege that you have in society, very much can be.

What disturbed me about Black History Month are the comments made after someone shared a story mostly devaluing a black person's experience. Now it wouldn't be many

but these kinds of comments were sprinkled in amongst the praises. It sometimes can be complete disapproval of the post. Bringing up historical inaccuracies (some of them were thought-provoking). Or raising their own hardships, not in solidarity or with empathy, but as a way to trump or double-down that either this black person's story wasn't all that impressive. For the first and second, these were merely distractions from the point of the article.

For the latter, it was clear that wasn't an actual comprehensive analysis of the comparisons in experiences. This very absence of consideration of the layers of prejudice and institutional obstacles that a person must overcome is one of the cornerstone symptoms of privilege. It's not accurate to an apples to apples comparison if someone had to jump and leap through more obstacles in order to arrive at the same number of applies.

The conclusion I come to when seeing these encounters is that people are not always taught about what privilege is. Privilege for a lot of households in 2021 is a dirty word that no one really wants to bring up and there's an uncomfortable squishiness, closely akin to guilt and denial, that obstructs the conversation. I remember how uncomfortable this feeling was when I visited my cousins in Houston, TX. My cousins were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up. "Athlete" or "Dancer" got tossed around and when they went to me, I said: "A doctor or a business woman, of course!" without hesitation. They rolled their eyes and shouted "Of course!", mocking my Hermione Granger-nasally-know-it-all-ness. I looked at them confused, "What do you mean? What's the problem?" My cousin put her hands on her hips and glared at me, "Because that can really happen for you, rich girl, that's not going to happen for the rest of us!" I immediately thought of all my comebacks, "Well it's not my fault, my mom went to college!", "Well don't be mad at me, because I'm smart", and "Just because I don't know what a food stamp looks like, doesn't mean it's my problem." Luckily, these retorts got stuck in my throat with the realization that to be honest, this wasn't their fault either. Compared to my cousin, my mom was the first to graduate from college, M.I.T. no less, and my grandmother, a significantly lighter-skinned woman, was, at times, able to pass in society and get favorable jobs that weren't offered to women that didn't pass the paper-bag test. Because of this interaction, my mom gave me my first conversation about privilege.

My mother is a model for breaking things down in a very analytical way (it's the mechanical engineer in her). It starts with acknowledging the basic benefits that you have currently (house, food, clothes, nice job), understanding the connections that you have (family, colleagues), and then doing a root cause analysis of where these things came from. Very similar to a Working Backwards scenario from Amazon or a 5 Why's Analysis.

It goes something like this: How did you get your current job? Was it based on your extensive resume? How did you get your first job? Was it a friend of the family that gave you a hook up and ensured that you did something in the field you studied for? How did you get that family friend? Was it because they and your parents went to college together? How did your parents get to college? Was it because they were able to integrate into certain schools that built their connections? Why? Because your grandparents put them on the short list for integration and perhaps bribed a person or two to get them into the best schools in Houston, TX? Now trade places with someone else that didn't have these advantages! Hurry up, now! Trade places! Where are you starting from and where are they starting from? Are you 10 steps ahead? That's what privilege is all about.

This conversation shaped me in more ways that I care to admit. I'm a naturally loud and pretty brash person and there have been many times that I have put my foot in my mouth. But thinking back on my mother's words has given me pause in many situations. It's easy to look at oneself as a victim and the underdog, but it's important that we understand the privilege that sometimes we can wield as a weapon with our words, our position, and our money. I know a lot of people are uncomfortable having this conversation, but there's only one cure for it...practice. You need to talk to your friends about it, your kids about it, your family about it. Practice it until you understand how to make this uncomfortable conversation as normal as it exists in our society.

I found one amazingly empathetic TEDx conversation with Lillian Medville that provides some tools to kick start this conversation if you have the time.

Our Current State in America

This weekend marked the anniversary of Breonna Taylor's death and there is still not sufficient justice for her killers. To recount all of the tragedies that have happened and still continue to happen is painful and I do not want to expend my soul diving back into those dark places again. However, if anyone thinks that we are so far away from those events, look at this comment and think again. The fact remains, that this woman was in her own home and she was shot. There was not a conviction for her killers and now we remember this woman, not just as a testimony, but as a hard example that if my life is ended in similar circumstances, someone is going to justify it.

Future Hopes:

Now that I've vented completely, I can honestly say that my biggest hopes lie in my beautiful, happy son. This month marked a Black History Month that I was able to laugh with him, play with him, and sit with him and our family as we watched classic black movies. It filled my soul like a balm that was needed and he knows not of this current world and what awaits for him. I just hope that with my privilege, my job, my unbridled passion to build a better world for him, he'll turn around and make fun of me for the worries that I used to have and listen on incredulously at the dreams my ancestors deferred that are easy possibilities available to him now.

With the highs and lows of this past month, and this entire year of 2020, let's raise a glass to the future and the hope of tomorrow.

Here's a picture of my cutie doing his best Lenny Kravitz impression!