It was a quiet post-Christmas December in the Amazon office when I decided to call up a friend to connect. I haven't spoken to this friend in a while and we generally do a catch up around this time to talk family, achievements, goals (personal or work-wise), general observations, and the future. We laughed til our guts were near bursting, we shouted to the point that security came over to check on me, and we shed a few tears since we both endured some heavy personal losses in 2023. "We should do this again some time", we said to each other as we closed the conversation. But I wasn't ready to completely close such a cathartic exercise. So I immediately jotted down a Blog Post idea in my Bullet Journal and leveraged January 2023 to recover from the holidays, process another Amazon reorganization, and shape my reflections. Welcome to my first blog post in 2024!
Here we go...
2023 Reflections: A Year of Personal Triumphs
1. Peloton Streak and Physical Well-being (Achieved 60 Day Streak)
It started when my husband bought a Peloton bike in January 2023, to me commandeering it (as wives often do), and ending with me getting addicted. How you may ask? Yoga with Chelsea Jackson Roberts and LaneBreak, the latest addition to the gamification of exercise. With some highlights from Boxing and Strength Training, I was all in on the Peloton life with a 60 day streak.
Midway through 2023, my mental model shifted. I have never been big on working out, I'm an active sports kind of person. It was nice to hit the achievements and rack up superfluous badges, but at some point, you reach a plateau. I needed another meaning in life to keep up the lifestyle and an every-day streak just wasn't reasonable long-term. Plus, Peloton doesn't have daily achievements beyond 60 days (I've put in a ticket into customer support). Once I decided to give myself more grace and gravitate towards the workouts that I genuinely enjoyed, maintaining a weekly stride became much easier.
Did I lose weight?
Not significantly.
But I did gain a different level of discipline, mindfulness, flexibility and mobility that I never knew I needed. I also gained a pride in myself that I never expected.
Lessons Learned #1:
Physical well-being doesn't have to be a sprint made of badges, lost pounds, and benchmarks.
It can be a marathon building confidence and discipline while bestowing grace to your body.
To close this section, ya'll know I had to do a video. Check out one of my favorite instructors, Chelsea during her thang!
2. Prioritizing Mental Health (Started therapy)
The deaths of my grandmother, my cousin, and great-aunt in 2023 was an anticipated event but not personally expected. I was not emotionally prepared. Those that have loved ones suffering from dementia, terminal cancer, or advanced age know exactly what I'm talking about. Specifically after my grandmother's death, planning the celebration of life and working through her effects was a welcome distraction. It wasn't until all the affairs were settled, friends and family stopped calling, that I realized how unresolved my feelings were. That's when I picked up the phone to my Amazon Benefits Plan and got therapy. It was a new depth of feeling that I haven't experienced before, and I needed help.
I won't discuss the breakthroughs I had. That's between me, myself and my therapist. Yet I can definitely see the immediate benefits in how I move through life. Compared to pre-therapy, I have a lot more tools in my Swiss Army Knife.
Lessons Learned #2:
Your feelings are valid. It's okay to seek outside help to get through this hell-scape called life.
As you reminisce on loves lost, I offer my grandmother's favorite song from Stevie Wonder, "As" also known as "I'll Be Loving You Always".
3. Strengthening Family Bonds & Practicing Mindfulness (Dedicated myself to being home more and present with family)
In 2023, it was very difficult to be completely present at home. My mind was wandering between work deliverables and escalations, Real Housewives insert-city-here drama, and the wandering Instagram fad. Even in 2024, a certain Shannon Sharpe (I refuse to call it Club Shay Shay) Katt Williams interview kept my attention for weeks! My phone was becoming my worst enemy. Even though I was home, I wasn't truly there. It was affecting my relationship with my husband and son.
It was a confrontation from my very husband that got my mind right. It wasn't pleasant but it was absolutely necessary.
We started to plan fun family activities, host family discussions, engage in household projects, go on date nights, and read together. The phone stayed on the charger and any calls while little one was awake were limited. It still takes a healthy clearing of the throat by significant others to keep us in line, but it's miles away from where we used to be.
I've observed a lot more about my family (my son is hilarious) and myself (I like annoying my husband). In 2024, I look forward to those cups of tea sitting on my windowsill. Carving out time to practice mindfulness in short spurts or intentional bullet journalling has prompted more meaningful conversations.
Lessons Learned #3:
My family will not always remember the gifts I give. But they'll remember the quality time we spent together.
If you're looking for tips to being more present, check this out.
4. Taking a Break (The Long-Overdue Sabbatical)
Buckle up! We're going deeper! In January 2023, I was recovering from a recent promotion, several escalations, and another reorganization. Needless to say, I was exhausted.
Pause here. Tangent time!
"Needless to say"? What the heck is the phrase, "needless to say"? Shouldn't you just say it? It's like "regardless" or "in layman's terms". Just say what you need to say! No caveats! But that's easier said than done.
Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programming.
I was in a rare state personally and professionally where I realized I did not like the mental space that I was in. I was working hard, but the motivation had left the building. This was combined with settled guilt from recently being promoted and not being able to fully enjoy it. I was torn between appreciation for the role that got me to the next level and frustration from being stuck and pigeon-holed. Soon, emails got hard to read. Docs were harder to write. I couldn't think. What was worse, it felt like the last 15 years of productivity no longer mattered.
I was undergoing a mental breakdown.
And I didn't know how to pull myself out of it. Every Sunday night, I dreaded going to work on Monday and the weekend reprieve wasn't enough.
Then one conversation changed everything.
One 1:1 with a mentor who was casually mentioning her break between roles had me questioning if I needed a sabbatical. I've never thought of taking one before and I quickly realized that it was the most important thing I needed. So, I talked to many others that had taken something similar. I read the Amazon policy for personal time off unpaid. I worked with a financial planner and my family to coordinate. I worked with direct manager and HR on timing and announced the extended time-off to my organization.
Then, I took off a transformative 6 weeks.
There were several highlights of that time period that I reflected as soon as I got back to work on LinkedIn. But it didn't take the full 6 weeks to realize how restorative and influential this time was. I was able to identify stress management mechanisms to take back into the field of work:
Setting boundaries to take back my schedule
Planning time-off that is restorative must be intentional. Vacations spent wrangling family member or taking care of personal errands do not count. Prioritize the art of doing nothing.
Listening to my body and not ignoring signs of overwork.
There is never an opportune time for self-care. Proactively planning for days off and taking at least a month off either every 2 years or every new role.
Lessons Learned #4:
Defining self-care on my terms was critical. It should be whatever activity that brings me peace and joy. Others cannot define it for me.
Was the sabbatical successful?
Absolutely.
Coming back to work, I felt reinvigorated. I reset my schedule and plugged in crucial blocks of time for myself and my personal self-care activities. It was like I had a new life. If it wasn't for this sabattical, I wouldn't have been able to finally graduate from my Quantic with my Executive Masters of Business Administration in July 2023. Yayayyyy!
Now taking a sabbatical wasn't exactly a walk in the park even though there were obvious benefits. In my immediate realm, many people were concerned. At the time, layoff rumors were in the air and my family was concerned that I would be a prime target. At work, intentional sabbaticals usually implied that the person wasn't coming back. Hell even in 2023, sabbaticals and self-care is a relatively new concept (at least in the U.S., Europeans know how to do it right). I wasn't raised thinking that it was even possible to take this kind of break.
If you have anxiety about taking sabbatical like I did, check out the video below. You'll get tips that will remove some of the mental blocks stopping you from scheduling one of your own.
Anticipating 2024: Embracing Growth and Positivity
Looking into 2024, I only have hope to bring my lessons learned from 2023 into this year. There's just a few things I want to add to my plan.
1. Continued Confidence Building & Marching to the Beat of My Own Drum
Some people are born with confidence. Some fake it til they make it. For most people, confidence is a life-long endeavor. I'm devoted to acknowledging my achievements, no matter how small and own the unique qualities that make me...well me.
This includes continuing to strike my own path particularly in product management. Not many people will understand what or why I'm doing what I'm doing. There was times when my colleagues or management was confused why I got a PMP certification, an Executive MBA, or left a high position in consulting to start over in the tech industry. I can look back and honestly say that I made the best decision of my career. As I check off my career milestones, I don't need to be concerned about my strategies or walk into a room with my head held down. Yes, imposter syndrome and my inner saboteur still creeps in. Step by step, I can buck these feelings off.
In 2024, I'm taking one necessary step...to say sorry a little bit less. It might seem inconsequential, but minimizing when I say sorry allows me to recognize that I'm not a burden or out of place.
2. Embracing Vulnerability
I'm a chronic "I'm fine"-er. Regardless if I feel terrible or wallowing in anxiety, I have trained myself to always say "I'm fine" when asked. It took 6 therapy sessions to actually say that I'm not. In 2024, I plan to expand outside of therapy sessions and be more honest with friends, family and coworkers. If I'm having a bad day, I'm going to be more open. It's important for me to share so that others know that it's okay to be vulnerable too. We're not robots walking through life unfeeling. It's in these most human moments that allows us to relate to each other.
3. Reading for Pleasure
Oh my goodness! I look forward to reading just for my own shits and giggles in 2024! My best memories on my sabbatical was sitting in book stores getting lost in a found treasure, or sitting on my favorite windowsill on a rainy day nursing a good book with my son chilling in my lap nursing his own (or pretending to). My reading list is not too long, but I can't wait lay up and dive into a new world:
"Iron Gold" by Pierce Brown
"Black Founder: The Hidden Power of Being an Outsider" by Stacy Spikes
"The Girl in the Eagle's Talons: A Lisbeth Salander Novel" by Karen Sminoff
"Leslie F*cking Jones: A Memoir" by Leslie Jones
"When Women were Dragons" by Kelly Barnhill
"The Sun is Also a Star" by Nicola Yoon
"Everything I Never Told You" by Celest Ng
I make no aims to get through this list. My husband clocks 52 books a year easily, but I'm not on that path. I want to hone my attention and thoughts to one practice for my well-being.
4. Keeping Plans Close & Letting it Manifest
Mystery and my name are never in the same sentence. But in 2024, I want to try keeping my long-term plans close to the vest and let it cook organically. Besides keeping my haters on their toes, secrecy allows me to form inner autonomy and awareness. It allows me to iterate and fosters imagination.
It doesn't just apply to my own thoughts, it also goes for my opinions of others. I have a rather unfortunate impulse to tell it like it is. I don't normally hurt feelings but I sometimes get frustrated when people don't listen to my instructions. I have to realize that life is a better teacher than I can ever be. And, quite frankly, I can be very wrong.
If I'm ever wondering why I should shut my mouth, I can look no further one of my favorite tv shows, The Office.
Conclusion
2023 was a transformative journey of highs and lows and I truly appreciate the lessons learned. With one month completed in 2024, I feel like I'm in a stride settling into a new organization within AWS Security and I'm truly excited about what's awaiting me for the rest of the year. I encourage you all to reflect on your individual journeys and set forth with positive intentions this year. I'll leave you with some cool quotes that I've collected over 2023 and early 2024:
"It's not hard to be considered a difficult woman. That's why there are so many of us."
Jane Goodall
"Winners don't let losers rewrite history"
Katt Williams
"If someone says 1+1=5. Good for them. I don't want to waste time arguing"
Keanu Reeves
"Don't make perfect be the enemy of good."
Samara Moore, Amazonian
"Grief is love with no place to go"
Diana Green-Sinkford
"There's another state of being that we can strive to. It's about being present."
Therapist
"Don't optimize for social cohesion"
Robert Williams, Amazonian
"Climb mountains not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world."
David McCullough Jr.
Have a great 2024!
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